Of Children, Marriage, Aspirations...

I had a friend who was in a steady relationship for more than five years. Once over coffee, I asked her when she planned to settle down (marry) her boyfriend. She said they were in love but would never be able to get married.

Reason – parents would never approve of their match as they belonged to different castes. She explained further how they had individually tried to convince their parents but to no avail. One parent even threatened self-immolation if they got married!

I was shocked and sad.

Shocked because I could not understand why two educated people were not allowed to spend their lives together, in spite of loving and complimenting each other so well. Sad because I could see her eyes well up before me..

This made me wonder – are we as a society just progressing in terms of technology, telecommunication and infrastructure, with our belief system still a century behind?

How can we justify our love for our children, if we force them to abandon a life of their choice, thus making their lives devoid of all happiness and contentment?

I am reminded of a conversation between my aunt and mother long back. My conservative aunt, who came from an affluent business family, once asked my mother if she would ever allow her children to go for a ‘love marriage’.

My mom in her usual cool demeanour answered, ‘I want my daughter to decide which pair of jeans she likes when we go shopping, something which I know she would not wear after two years. Of course, I would want her to make her own choice when it comes to a life partner; after all she has to spend her life with him. I will never force her for anything’.

I always admired my mother, but since that day, she became an even bigger hero for me.

Both my parents grew up in the 60’s with no internet or TV for exposure (perhaps the same time when my friend’s parents grew up too). However, they understood this basic principle of life – freedom is the key ingredient of happiness.

Choice in marriage is just one of the major decisions in one’s life. As guardians, we should trust our children with other important decisions too. Choice of career is one. 

Our job as parents is to give wings to our child’s aspirations, not obstruct them. Let them fly high and free, without the heaviness of our expectations on their shoulders.

In Khalil Gibran’s words:

“Your children are not your children.

They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.

….

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,

For they have their own thoughts.

You may house their bodies but not their souls,

For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,

which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them,

but seek not to make them like you.

For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.”


***

Justice for Kshama Chopra.. her life was NOT cheap

On Thursday morning, a front page article of The Times of India, Delhi edition had a heart wrenching tale to tell. The article titled ‘Is this how cheap life is in Gurgaon’ reported about a BMW hit-and-run case where a young woman, Kshama Shetye lost her life.

Please sign justice for Kshama Chopra to show solidarity.

Kshama along with her husband and parents was travelling back from a doctor’s appointment when a speeding BMW racing at 150kmph hit their Indigo car, injuring all its occupants and killing Kshama and the driver on spot. Such was the impact of the collision that the Indigo went up into the air and turned several times before crashing down completely. Three lives were lost in the accident, the driver Sanjay Gulati, Kshama and her unborn child (Kshama was pregnant)..

I read this letter from Shailesh, Kshama’s husband, to his friend and was deeply moved:

“My heart was ripped open on May 5th 2012 in agony; I was told that my wife Kshama had passed away with our unborn child… You will have to stand in front of a speeding BMW to feel what I felt when I saw her. Twelve beautiful years, from college to UK and back to India, and this is where we are. Who would have thought that the decision to come to Gurgaon for two to three days to get my father-in-law treated for his heart condition would end up like this. My wife is no more, my mother-in-law has multiple fractures and is critical, my father-in-law has a broken backbone and I have a fractured pelvis. There is disbelief, there is anger and then there is frustration – is this what Gurgaon is all about? Is this how cheap life is to people…  

It is learnt that the BMW car had the son of a rich, influential businessman of Gurgaon behind the wheels with a friend. He was perhaps trying to show off his deplorable driving skills when he raced recklessly only to ram into the unaware Indigo occupants. Three innocent lives were lost, all at the behest of this utterly irresponsible young brat.

Life is cheap? Oh yes it is, cheaper than the urge of this super rich dad’s son to thump the accelerator of his car assuming he is on some Formula race track.

Unfortunately, there have been no arrests till now and in spite of all the into-your-face evidence the police are struggling to fish out the accused, who is still at large. As a cover up, a man (obviously a paid pawn) has come out of nowhere and surrendered. The real culprit is being protected with stacks of money and influence as a shield.  

The tragic loss of such innocent lives is not acceptable. Any of us could have been in place of Kshama or Shailesh that day.  I have no words to describe how helpless and shameful it feels to be a citizen of this country, where one needs to beg for justice. But I will not lose hope. My husband and I attended the candle light vigil held at Gurgaon yesterday.

There is no way we can restore the loss and trauma that Kshama’s family has gone through but at least, show them our support.

Urging each one of you to take 20 seconds of your time and sign this online petition asking for justice for Kshama Chopra 

The rich and mighty need to be taught a lesson. Life might be cheap and buyable for them, for us it is still sacred.