The lessons I did not learn..

Monday afternoon at school, the bell rang and our Maths period came to an end. After a gruelling forty minutes of racking our brains with Binomial theorem, it was now time for some relief. In other words, time for our language class.

Our language teacher, Ms. Prateema, would usually take a good ten minutes to leisurely walk up from the staffroom located at the end of the 50 meter corridor. An epitome of lethargy, she seemed to hate the period bell as much as us, if not more. She looked quite hustled up and irritated almost always, as if someone had awakened her from a peaceful trance.   

That day she entered the classroom with a bundle of answer sheets and a victorious look on her face. Within minutes, she had called out 48 names (a feat in itself) and distributed the corrected papers. Mine was the 49^th and the penultimate name she uttered. I moved swiftly towards her desk, waiting impatiently to catch a glimpse of the magical number on the answer sheet.

Shock and disbelief were the least of all emotions that followed.

A reprehensible 19 out of 50 was what I had managed after writing all of six pages. The comment along the marks said that I had failed to follow instructions by the teacher...

All students had been asked to learn a composition, word by word, from the text book and reproduce the same in the paper. Own words or creative writing in the language paper were a big no-no.

  

Seconds later, I could hear my name again. The failed students were to stand up and get their due of embarrassment. I was one.

The next 30 minutes of speech by Ms. Prateema outlined her disgust for us, the creative writers, in the class. Also, she described how pain-stakingly difficult it had been for her to correct our papers (we, the failures), as we had attempted to write in our own language. She christened us as being extremely lazy and spiteful for not adhering to her instructions and threatened we would never be able to clear the council exams. Later, she emphasised the importance of learning from great authors by imbibing their writing (and not writing style, mind you!) completely. She thought it crucial to learn by heart every word (mug up) of what a famous essayist had written and replicate it in our answer sheets to make our language (appear) spot free. According to her, it was futile for us to try and improve our already atrocious language by writing using our own imaginations.

I stood there teary eyed, my head bent low, feeling like a total failure.

That day, I cried ceaselessly when I reached home. Later I had a chat with my mother (who was a teacher herself), which changed my perception and taught me few important lessons. I bet these were crucial, as I wouldn’t be writing this post today (instead would be copy/pasting from famous blogs!)

Lessons I learnt:

-          Being original is not a sin, but a blessing

-          Better to stay mediocre but original, than be best but a copy-cat

-          It is important to learn from others, but plagiarism is never a good option.. who knows you might end up in a copy-right feud ;)

Lessons I did not learn:

-          Short cuts can replace hard work (It never can!)

-          If you want to be a good writer, find one and copy his work i.e. ctrl+c, ctrl+v (ha ha!)

-          All being taught in school will help you become better (it might not.. sad but true)

Reminded of Mark Twains words 'I have never let me schooling interfere with my education', applicable quite literally here!

P.S. As fate would have, I ended up with a distinction for language in my council exams. Needless to say I was ecstatic, after all, my originality had been rewarded..

I'm Right

There are times when things are perfect in life, but then there are times when things go terribly wrong.

Whereas it’s easy to remain cool in the former environment, it becomes tough when facing the latter.

For instance, you are blamed for a wrong which you know in the heart of hearts was not your mistake. The ordeal begins – the argument of whether you were the real culprit or was it someone else. You begin to explain, to prove your innocence. If unable to convince, you continue trying hard to persuade people that you were correct. Guilt begins to set in and you get desperate. Further, you collect evidence, in hope that the truth would come out. But sometimes, after all your efforts, the truth still remains veiled. This adds to your suffering. You relent, give up, feeling miserably low.

How important is it to remain RIGHT in the eyes of others? Why is it so essential to stay compliant to certain standards? Is it not enough to know that you were correct..

Humans are wired to look for appreciation from others. It is a psychological need. This need drives us to prove our goodness and virtuousness, even though we already know the truth.

There are times when it is worth explaining your innocence, but there are such times, when it is just not worth your time or efforts. So, Move on. Remember, the authority to absolve yourself of the residual guilt lies within you.

Key to Success

There lived a colony of frogs in a distant land. Close to their colony, there stood a sky scraper of gigantic height. The frogs often spoke of how beautiful the city would look from the top of this tower. As time passed, their wish became a sigh and a lifetime longing. One fine day, a group of very young frogs decided to do what appeared ‘impossible’ to the aging frogs. They decided to climb the tall tower.

The group set on the grand expedition early next day, while the elders coaxed them to abandon their dangerous journey. Some of them conceded and stayed back. As time passed, several in the group gave up. However there was this little frog that kept moving on without any care. He was relentless in his efforts and would not give up. Finally, he arrived at the top. Phew! What a beautiful sight awaited him. It was a magical moment for him. He enjoyed for a while and then began his descent.

When he reached the tower base, the other frogs looked at him in surprise and awe. They applauded him and shouted slogans in his praise. However, he appeared unfazed. Then some of the frogs came closer to him and asked him the key to his motivation that ultimately led to success. The frog left without answering.

Later, it turned out that the frog was deaf. So, the young frog had not heard any of the cajoling by elders. He remained blissfully unaware of the risks and dangers involved in climbing the tower top. While the other frogs, perhaps were convinced of the life threatening feat and abandoned their journey.

This is a beautiful short story which illustrates how important it is to Listen to the right things in life.

How essential it is at times to not listen to discouraging words. Words that tell you how small you are before a BIG problem. The word is ignore! :)

Why Fudge?

Beauty is truth, truth beauty;

These are eternal words by John Keats in his famous ‘Ode on the Grecian Urn’ written in 1819.

Such simple words with great meaning – a fantastic expression of a noble thought.

All that is beautiful is true; and all that is true has to be beautiful!

This makes me think – how often have we tried to stay away from what’s truly us and therefore stay ugly. Whereas it would have been so much easier to be what we are, not fudge, and remain our beautiful selves.

As children, we are taught to be ambitious, aim for bigger professions, excel in academics and always keep ahead of the race. We are also asked to idolize famous people and learn from them. But here’s some thought - What if I don’t feel like racking my brains with complex Integration and Algebra? What if I don’t want to be a super Programmer or a Doctor or a globe-trotting high flier? What if I just don’t feel like running the same race but simply walk or jog or just sit under a tree!

Although, it is good to be ambitious and work towards a grand goal, it is equally important to ascertain if the grand goal we are running for is actually our own dream goal and not one concocted by society, teachers, family, or peer pressure.

Aspiring to be a better self is definitely healthy as long as we don’t digress from our own path, our own conviction. If someone or something inspires us so much so that we want to just imbibe it completely and thoughtlessly, we change the greatest quality of God’s creation – our uniqueness. Trying to ape blindly is trying to run away from the truth. And as we run away from our true selves, we lose some of our natural shine and goodness. This definitely makes us less beautiful!

So take pride in who you are - your thoughts, your education, your family, what you wear. There is no need to fudge. The world will like you as you are or at the least, will not care much anyway.

Let not anyone make you afraid of your beautiful self. Aim to be truthful; aim to be beautiful.

Have a Mind of Your Own

 

We’ve all been blessed with a brain. Why is it then that we find ourselves following what someone else thinks? Examples:

There are lakhs of people supporting Anna Hazaare. His methods to fight corruption must be the best and I wear the ‘I am Hazaare’ cap. Herd mentality.

70% students of my class are answering CAT this year. I am not sure of how an MBA can help me but let me try CAT too. Welcome to the RAT race.

All my friends have a smart phone, I must have one too. I spend 20K to buy one. Peer Pressure.

My friend went to Maldives for their first anniversary, we should go too. Influence.

It is simple to get swayed by such happenings around us. However, it limits our ability to make our OWN decisions – choices made after putting in quality time and thought, analyzing the situation, the problem at hand and the viable solution. It requires stressing our grey cells, spending time in prodding an issue and coming up with a logical solution. When we make such informed decisions, we are sure to succeed in implementing them. We are convinced of the resulting actions and have our logic to back up our belief. This is a learning process. And it is worth all the effort.

After all, it helps our mind be our OWN.

So next time you are presented with an idea, give it a THOUGHT before you give it your NOD.

Don't Fret over Bad Times..

 

I look at people around me and imagine how they would look ten years from now. I know the answer. Older.

And then I virtually turn to look at myself. And wonder.. how would I look after ten years? I know the answer yet again..

How often we neglect this basic fact of life – we are aging by each minute, growing closer to our end. Is this philosophy? I think, it is. The greatest of all knowledge that we can accumulate in life. It is this truth that all of us know but fail to remind ourselves. And this is the reason for all our sorrows!

How?  Well, we keep worrying our heads daily over some BIG problem life has thrown upon us – financial problem, career problem, boss problem, work problem, property problem, family problem, relationship problem etc. There is a simple way to solve all this but we overlook this method each time.

The solution is to understand that any problem we are facing currently is TEMPORARY. It will pass. After all, everything does pass, doesn’t it. Nothing remains ‘as is’ forever – your face, looks, love, financial situation, a relationship, children, society, priorities. They change.

So, whenever in problem, remember this – It will CHANGE. It has to

Don’t fret over bad times or try to hold on to good times. As, sooner or later, with or without our wish, it will change. And you will have to MOVE ON.

The best thing to do is to enjoy NOW. This very moment is yours, so take control.

Be happy!  

Are we Independent?

 

Many of us in India associate the word 'Independence' with the historic day of 15th August, 1947. We have been independent as a country for 64 years now. But how independent are we as individuals?

An owner of a company employing a hundred employees and giving them orders would say he is his own boss, so independent. A fresh college grad with a promising job offer would claim he is self sufficient and so independent. A working woman with two children would believe she can support and provide for her family without help, therefore she is independent. This signifies how often we associate independence to being financially sound.

Whereas Independence does come from having a good bank balance and your four limbs in place, it does mean more.

Being truly independent means having the ability to decide what you want to or not want to do for a living. It means speaking your mind out when others around are trying to fudge and cover up. It means wearing a dress without worrying about what people might think. It means having the courage to stand up for your belief even though you seem to be the odd one. It means having the guts to walk a path that others might not take for the fear of failure. It means doing what you want to do without waiting for a nod of approval from someone. It means having the liberty to decide right and wrong without any ‘should be this way’ syndrome.

Freedom is a state of mind. And it always leads to happiness. We are sad or unsatisfied because we have tied our well being to some person, situation or article. To be truly independent, one has to stop relying on others and start being self-dependent. Same applies to happiness.

Thought – You need to feel independent to be independent

Action – Identify three areas of your life where you think you are dependent on others for happiness. Try to bring a change for better. If this is not possible, see if you can change your attitude 

Silence is Golden

We spend a lot of time every day ‘not talking’. For example the time spent in doing routine chores – daily ablutions, eating, driving, reading, working et al. But does this mean that we spend this time in silence. Think about it.

May be not. Though our mouths are shut, our mind keeps working. We are constantly thinking, listening, judging, calculating, deciding etc.

Even when asleep, our minds remain active. Dreams are a good proof of this fact.

With so much happening in our heads all the time, it is essential for us to take a break. The best and most convenient way is practicing silence! It’s simple and can reap us several benefits.

Sitting in silence for 15-20 minutes daily can help us focus on our thoughts, purpose and true desires. This is the easiest way to establish a connection with our inner self. At first, one feels uncomfortable. The mind wanders. It runs around like an uncontrollable child. With some practice and patience, though, one can learn control and focus.

When we sit in silence, we can actually access, communicate with our inner self. Our inner self is tranquil, calm and at peace as compared to our external self which is always active.

Yoga advises ‘mauna’.  Mauna is a form of meditation where one learns to spend some time without speaking. Thus, focusing on our ‘self’, mind, thoughts and emotions. This leads to contemplation, self analysis and awareness. It also increases will power and inner strength.

So we see how silence is more important than speech.

If you love talking but feel you talk a lot or out of turn, unable to control your tongue, practice this technique. It will help you organize thoughts better and focus on the content and timing of your speech. Thus, helps you become a good listener and converse better with others.

Practicing a few minutes of silence in solitude every day can actually help you become more self-aware and a confident speaker.

To begin with, assign a place in your home/office where you can sit alone in silence for 10-15 minutes. Close your eyes and breathe slowly. Next try and remove all thoughts, in other words, silent your mind. One way to do this is concentrate on your breathing. If your mind wanders, bring it back to the breathing.

Practice this for a week and see the difference.

Smile Time



How many times do you smile in a day?



Freeze. Think. How many times do you think you show that pleasant curve on your faces?

Some of the common responses:

- few times

- as and when I feel like

- when required

- the more self-aware ones could come up with a real number, 10, 15, 30 !

- what a silly question, who keeps a count?

Might seem silly to observe this very insignificant happening of our daily routine. But wait before you dismiss this simple expression as insignificant and unimportant. As it can change your every day, your thoughts, your attitude, your Life.

A smile is more than just a facial expression, which is a result of some voluntary muscles coming to play when reacting to some pleasant sight or thought. It can not only make you feel happy when you want to but even when you feel otherwise.

According to a Swedish study, it was found that people find it easier to react to a facial expression in kind i.e. if you see a smiling face; it is easier for you to smile back rather than frown back! Similarly, if you smile even when you do not feel so, your brain gets a message of seeing, experiencing something pleasant and the result is a good feeling. Thus, you stay in high spirits. Try it and you would agree.

A smile is the most simple of all expressions, yet we find it difficult to make it a habit.

The reason: we do not realize the benefits of using this personal and instinctive skill.

It is the most powerful communication tool we possess. And its use is unlimited and free. It is a language, understood by one and all. When in crisis, it works like a medicine. On a dull day, it refreshes you more than a cup of coffee.

So if you want to change your sad day to a happy one, you know where to begin. Just remember to smile at as many people as you come across.

Smile at the receptionist, at your colleague when you meet near the coffee vending machine, the bus conductor on your way back home, the building watchman, the bakery guy you cross every day, the kid in the neighborhood. When you meet your spouse after a long-tiring day at work, try a warm and heartfelt smile. You will see an instant result on his/her face. The next time you pick up your phone to answer a call, smile. You are bound to converse and feel better. Smile as much as you can and you will be surrounded by positive energy.

Thought: They say we use only 17 muscles to smile whereas 43 to frown. So conserve energy, smile more!

Action: Smile at the next 10 people you come across today and observe their reaction