Now that you’re gone

Now that you’re gone, I think back..

 

I realize how wrong I must have been to leave You all alone,

How much sorrow, how much pain, how much loneliness I must have brought upon You..
the one I truly loved.. my own

There is no justification for what I did but I seem to know the reason now

So bereft of love was I, that at the slightest sighting,

I flew.. with all my might

All of it felt like a dream, happy and beautiful,

I was lost in a new world, a world full of love and all things good

I cared little of what I had left behind,

I thought seldom of how You must truly feel my loss

I was gloating in my dream, feeling complete at last

I got so much love and gave so much love.. sometimes more than desired

I lost myself so many times, without realizing my own loss

Nevertheless,

 

Dreams are but dreams, they come to an end.

Now that I awake from this long slumber, I realize how trapped I am still.

 

I wish I could turn back times and stay with You some more time,

Sharing the same laughter, cracking the same jokes,

Enjoying the same food..

I wish I had lived a little longer with You..

 

Today, I face a similar loss.. and try to imagine how You must have felt when I left You.. all alone

It makes me so sad and weary

I curse every speck of me that was ever angry with You,

I repent every moment that I spent fighting with You.

I must’ve been crazy for doing all that

 

For You loved me truly

I know now..

That all You said was to save me from this trap I lie in today

You tried to caution me,

I paid no heed

And here I am today, trapped in my very dream

 

You must’ve shed some tears,

You must’ve missed a friend,

It must have been all lonely..

 

I was so wrong and selfish.

But in the end, I paid.

 

Coz’ I did forget to mention

That in the dream I lay,

I fell many a times,

and have a scar or two, good to last a lifetime.

 

All I’d like to say today,

I am sorry, please forgive me..

 

***

 

Spice Indibloggers Meet, with Rajiv Makhni, at Delhi !

My second meet in one day, Dove meet being the first. I felt a bit exhausted but decided to hang on. Good decision, I’d call it now!

The organizers had now changed to yellow Spice T-shirts from their white Dove ones ;)

A strong gathering of 300+ bloggers made it the largest ever Indibloggers meet (I think Bangalore had a similar meet earlier).

Rajiv Makhni was welcomed with a loud cheer and a high on energy ‘Hurr-Hurr Hurr-Hurr’ chant by the audience (displayed by the Indiblogger organisers). Within seconds the hall was full of vigour and verve.    

Expectations from Rajiv were sky high and I must say he surpassed it. I mean this guy is so so witty, extremely humorous and lively.

We could not have introductions for all the bloggers due to time constraints but the ones we had were so much fun. Rajiv with his wit and humour made each introduction sound hilarious. He kept the audience glued with his quirky remarks on youngsters about their phones and girlfriends.

Five lucky bloggers with good introductions were presented a Spice Flo phone by Rajiv.

This was followed by a hurried game and a mobile security debate – can mobile security be the reason for a plausible threat (virus, hacking, large scale attack) or is it only rumour mongering.

The answer was obvious (mobile security is crucial) but I expected a better debate. I think we were missing tech bloggers at this meet and it showed.

Next was a short mind trick (magic) presented by a guy named Karan. It was a good attempt and kept the audience occupied.

We had a presentation from Spice to showcase the new smart phones by Spice - Horizon (yet to be launched) and Stellar.

It was beginning to get tiring so we were given a short break. The snack break turned into early dinner.

The dinner was followed by a quiz by Rajiv where he gave away 15 phones as prizes. Few questions were restricted to twitter users with smart phones as they were to be instantly answered by tweets to Rajiv.

I did not win a phone but was happy my friend did. On the whole it was a great day and meeting Rajiv Makhni was an added bonus! He is an absolute entertainer.

Good work by Indiblogger team!

***

Dove Indibloggers Meet at Delhi !

The venue was the splendid Park situated at Parliament Street, New Delhi.

It was my first blogger’s meet and I was pretty excited to meet new people.

The all womens’ meet organised by Dove and Indiblogger saw a healthy participation of women from all walks of life. We began with a good round of introductions where bloggers spoke about their blogs and inspirations. It was great to see the faces and hear the voices behind the blog sites we frequently visit.

Goodies were being distributed at the drop of a hat. Nice attempt by Indiblogger and Dove to up the level of interaction and participation during the complete event. They surely know the way to a woman’s heart!

We were asked to write down our problems (any) and stick it on a board. This implied we had temporarily gotten rid of our problems (there was no reference to this later, so guess this was just an attempt to stay in line with the theme ‘leave your problems behind’).

Next was a comic act presented by Shivani (yes, she is the same beautiful face you see in Dove’s Shampoo ad). Not thoroughly funny but was kept short and sweet so would call it a decent attempt. Shivani looked great!

Later we had a presentation by a hair expert (Doctor). She was good and had answers to most of the queries put forth. A good and exhausting round of Q&A followed.

Bloggers were then asked to write a quick post describing their ideal bloggers meet. All of them obliged happily.

This was followed by lunch – good time to catch up with fellow bloggers.

Coming up next was the Spice meet, hosted by Rajiv Makhni (the Tech-Guru guy) at the same venue.

Most women bloggers left, I waited on. Happy I did.

Lots of fun and even more energy awaited us!

***

Of Children, Marriage, Aspirations...

I had a friend who was in a steady relationship for more than five years. Once over coffee, I asked her when she planned to settle down (marry) her boyfriend. She said they were in love but would never be able to get married.

Reason – parents would never approve of their match as they belonged to different castes. She explained further how they had individually tried to convince their parents but to no avail. One parent even threatened self-immolation if they got married!

I was shocked and sad.

Shocked because I could not understand why two educated people were not allowed to spend their lives together, in spite of loving and complimenting each other so well. Sad because I could see her eyes well up before me..

This made me wonder – are we as a society just progressing in terms of technology, telecommunication and infrastructure, with our belief system still a century behind?

How can we justify our love for our children, if we force them to abandon a life of their choice, thus making their lives devoid of all happiness and contentment?

I am reminded of a conversation between my aunt and mother long back. My conservative aunt, who came from an affluent business family, once asked my mother if she would ever allow her children to go for a ‘love marriage’.

My mom in her usual cool demeanour answered, ‘I want my daughter to decide which pair of jeans she likes when we go shopping, something which I know she would not wear after two years. Of course, I would want her to make her own choice when it comes to a life partner; after all she has to spend her life with him. I will never force her for anything’.

I always admired my mother, but since that day, she became an even bigger hero for me.

Both my parents grew up in the 60’s with no internet or TV for exposure (perhaps the same time when my friend’s parents grew up too). However, they understood this basic principle of life – freedom is the key ingredient of happiness.

Choice in marriage is just one of the major decisions in one’s life. As guardians, we should trust our children with other important decisions too. Choice of career is one. 

Our job as parents is to give wings to our child’s aspirations, not obstruct them. Let them fly high and free, without the heaviness of our expectations on their shoulders.

In Khalil Gibran’s words:

“Your children are not your children.

They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.

….

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,

For they have their own thoughts.

You may house their bodies but not their souls,

For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,

which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them,

but seek not to make them like you.

For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.”


***

Greek God and the Beach !!

Summer is synonymous to heat, sweat, thirst and sun-burns. This is when the friendly winter sunshine transforms into the cruel hot sun rays.

I’ve always wondered why people go for summer holidays, isn’t it best to stay inside our air conditioned homes and escape the torturous sun altogether? That sounds logical to me, not to my long time roommate, Kyra.

She loves summers.

Her favourite month is May. Her favourite colour is Yellow. Her favourite drink is Vodka with Mango juice. Her favourite fruit is Watermelon. I wonder if she had been a Marmot (large squirrel) in an earlier existence where she hibernated all her life and now seeks revenge!

So here was the cause of my irritation. Kyra had planned a beach holiday for the two of us in mid-May this year. I thought she was plain stupid until I saw her happy as a kid jumping on our couch with the tickets in her hand and changed my perception. Nah, she wasn’t stupid, she was simply out of her mind and needed a shrink! I headed straight to my bedroom.

Shortly after our arrival at the resort that afternoon, we were served our welcome drink - fresh Mango juice in a tall slender glass. Needless to say, the Marmot was ecstatic!

The resort was spread across a large area of land, housing two swimming pools, three multi-cuisine restaurants, two spa centres and a recreation club. It had several small cottages surrounded with well-maintained flower beds.

 

To Kyra’s greatest pleasure and my greatest displeasure, the lunch was to be served under a yellow canopy close to the resort’s private beach. I had begun to feel the undercurrent of a plausible pact between the resort guys and Kyra by now.

They wanted me exposed.

I decided to combat the enemy. So I geared up with a full sleeved cotton kurta teamed with full length slacks, a scarf to cover my hair and a pair of funky sunglasses. I am done, I thought.

From the canopy, I could see the enormous blue sea spread like a sparkling magical carpet across endless land, concealing the infinite depths beneath. I could feel the moist breeze across my face. The sound of the waves rising high and then hitting the shore before gushing and retracting was as soothing to my ears as a chant is to a pious man. In a bid to freeze these eternal memories, I closed my eyes and saw the sea again.

Suddenly, I felt someone’s hand grasp mine and pull it with great force. I was annoyed with the abrupt intrusion into my sweet trance. It had to be Kyra.


Next I was standing before this handsome tall man dressed in a colourful Hawaiian shirt and knee length cotton shorts, smiling at me. My brain did a quick face recognition exercise and suddenly I found myself fumbling for words. I looked at Kyra with absolute bewilderment.

After a brief stint of turning deaf and dumb, I could hear Kyra introduce me to Adityaa, the new brand ambassador for her company. I was utterly shocked to say the least.

This guy was a renowned celebrity, a heart-throb for all young girls across the country and here he stood before me at a lunch party in a beach resort, ready for a conversation. Collecting my thoughts and myself, I greeted him and expressed my pleasure of meeting him in person.  

Kyra was super excited about her new assignment with Adityaa. She spoke about the new product – Lakme Sun Expert at length. Adityaa had few questions:

Adityaa: Why did the company choose a man to advertise what is known to be a woman’s preferred product?

Kyra: The campaign would bring about awareness amongst people that sunscreen is more than a cosmetic product and is a requirement for everyone, not just women. Plus it would make us stand out amongst our competitors, who usually have women endorsing their products.

Adityaa: What is different in your product range?

Kyra: The new Lakme sunscreen range offers broad spectrum sunscreen that gives up to 97% protection from harmful sun rays and deep skin damage. The sunscreen ranging from SPF 24 to 50, includes sunscreens for dry, oily and normal skin.

Adityaa looked satisfied. I was happy to learn about this new sunscreen too and couldn’t wait to try it. Using Lakme sun expert translated to freedom from scarves and full sleeves for me. I would be free as a bird this summer I thought!

After an interesting conversation, we parted and I made my way to the ice cream counter close to the swimming pool. With my Rum-Raisin ice cream in one hand, I was hastily typing a message to my friend describing my encounter with a celebrity.


Suddenly my step felt incomplete, I could sense no ground. Next I found myself plummeting deep into water. I couldn’t configure what had happened and felt badly panicked. Engrossed with messaging, I had misjudged my step and fell straight into the swimming pool.

Unable to shout, I moved my hands and legs frantically in a bid to escape drowning. I didn’t know how to swim and thought I would die. There was movement in the water and I could sense someone swimming towards me with great strides, after which there was a complete blackout.

When I regained consciousness, I found myself in my hotel room surrounded with a lot of people.

My head was reeling and I could hardly open my eyes. Right then I heard a familiar voice. It was Kyra thanking Adityaa profusely for saving my life! I opened my eyes and found Adityaa standing next to Kyra, drenched from head to toe, smiling down at me. He saved my life; Goodness me, the Greek God himself! I felt a spell of unconsciousness engulf me again and I could not resist.

I don’t know how long I remained unconscious. My sleep was finally hindered by the relentless buzzing of my cell phone. With my eyes still closed, I thanked God for saving my phone in spite of dropping into the pool.

Reluctantly I picked up the phone; it was Kyra at the other end. She wanted to know if I was ready for the Goa trip and would reach the airport in time. I went cold and silent, my eyes wide open now. ‘And one other thing’, she said, ‘don’t forget to carry your Lakme Sunscreen!’

The trip is yet to happen. And I eagerly await the tryst with the Greek God ;)

***

This post is part of the Lakme Diva Blogger Contest http://www.indiblogger.in/ /topic.php?topic=55 Facebook link: https://www.facebook.com/ilovelakme

Picture credit: twoheartstogether.com; balistarisland.com; apartmentpoolparty.com; naturewallpaper.tk; 123rf.com; zdnet.com

Greek God and the Beach!

Summer is synonymous to heat, sweat, thirst and sun-burns. This is when the friendly winter sunshine transforms into the cruel hot sun rays.

I’ve always wondered why people go for summer holidays, isn’t it best to stay inside our air conditioned homes and escape the torturous sun altogether? That sounds logical to me, not to my long time roommate, Kyra.

She loves summers.

Her favourite month is May. Her favourite colour is Yellow. Her favourite drink is Vodka with Mango juice. Her favourite fruit is Watermelon. I wonder if she had been a Marmot (large squirrel) in an earlier existence where she hibernated all her life and now seeks revenge!

So here was the cause of my irritation. Kyra had planned a beach holiday for the two of us in mid-May this year. I thought she was plain stupid until I saw her happy as a kid jumping on our couch with the tickets in her hand and changed my perception. Nah, she wasn’t stupid, she was simply out of her mind and needed a shrink! I headed straight to my bedroom.

Shortly after our arrival at the resort that afternoon, we were served our welcome drink - fresh Mango juice in a tall slender glass. Needless to say, the Marmot was ecstatic!

The resort was spread across a large area of land, housing two swimming pools, three multi-cuisine restaurants, two spa centres and a recreation club. It had several small cottages surrounded with well-maintained flower beds.  

To Kyra’s greatest pleasure and my greatest displeasure, the lunch was to be served under a yellow canopy close to the resort’s private beach. I had begun to feel the undercurrent of a plausible pact between the resort guys and Kyra by now.

They wanted me exposed.

I decided to combat the enemy. So I geared up with a full sleeved cotton kurta teamed with full length slacks, a scarf to cover my hair and a pair of funky sunglasses. I am done, I thought.

From the canopy, I could see the enormous blue sea spread like a sparkling magical carpet across endless land, concealing the infinite depths beneath. I could feel the moist breeze across my face. The sound of the waves rising high and then hitting the shore before gushing and retracting was as soothing to my ears as a chant is to a pious man. In a bid to freeze these eternal memories, I closed my eyes and saw the sea again.

Suddenly, I felt someone’s hand grasp mine and pull it with great force. I was annoyed with the abrupt intrusion into my sweet trance. It had to be Kyra.

Next I was standing before this handsome tall man dressed in a colourful Hawaiian shirt and knee length cotton shorts, smiling at me. My brain did a quick face recognition exercise and suddenly I found myself fumbling for words. I looked at Kyra with absolute bewilderment. After a brief stint of turning deaf and dumb, I could hear Kyra introduce me to Adityaa, the new brand ambassador for her company. I was utterly shocked to say the least.

This guy was a renowned celebrity, a heart-throb for all young girls across the country and here he stood before me at a lunch party in a beach resort, ready for a conversation. Collecting my thoughts and myself, I greeted him and expressed my pleasure of meeting him in person.  

Kyra was super excited about her new assignment with Adityaa. She spoke about the new product – Lakme Sun Expert at length. Adityaa had few questions:

Adityaa: Why did the company choose a man to advertise what is known to be a woman’s preferred product?

Kyra: The campaign would bring about awareness amongst people that sunscreen is more than a cosmetic product and is a requirement for everyone, not just women. Plus it would make us stand out amongst our competitors, who usually have women endorsing their products.

Adityaa: What is different in your product range?

Kyra: The new Lakme sunscreen range offers broad spectrum sunscreen that gives up to 97% protection from harmful sun rays and deep skin damage. The sunscreen ranging from SPF 24 to 50, includes sunscreens for dry, oily and normal skin.

Adityaa looked satisfied. I was happy to learn about this new sunscreen too and couldn’t wait to try it. Using Lakme sun expert translated to freedom from scarves and full sleeves for me. I would be free as a bird this summer I thought!

After an interesting conversation, we parted and I made my way to the ice cream counter close to the swimming pool. With my Rum-Raisin ice cream in one hand, I was hastily typing a message to my friend describing my encounter with a celebrity.

Suddenly my step felt incomplete, I could sense no ground. Next I found myself plummeting deep into water. I couldn’t configure what had happened and felt badly panicked. Engrossed with messaging, I had misjudged my step and fell straight into the swimming pool.

Unable to shout, I moved my hands and legs frantically in a bid to escape drowning. I didn’t know how to swim and thought I would die. There was movement in the water and I could sense someone swimming towards me with great strides, after which there was a complete blackout.

When I regained consciousness, I found myself in my hotel room surrounded with a lot of people.

My head was reeling and I could hardly open my eyes. Right then I heard a familiar voice. It was Kyra thanking Adityaa profusely for saving my life! I opened my eyes and found Adityaa standing next to Kyra, drenched from head to toe, smiling down at me. He saved my life; Goodness me, the Greek God himself! I felt a spell of unconsciousness engulf me again and I could not resist.

I don’t know how long I remained unconscious. My sleep was finally hindered by the relentless buzzing of my cell phone. With my eyes still closed, I thanked God for saving my phone in spite of dropping into the pool.

Reluctantly I picked up the phone; it was Kyra at the other end. She wanted to know if I was ready for the Goa trip and would reach the airport in time. I went cold and silent, my eyes wide open now. ‘And one other thing’, she said, ‘don’t forget to carry your Lakme Sunscreen!’

The trip is yet to happen. And I eagerly await the tryst with the Greek God ;)

***

This post is part of the Lakme Diva Blogger Contest http://www.indiblogger.in/ /topic.php?topic=55 Facebook link: https://www.facebook.com/ilovelakme

Picture credit: twoheartstogether.com; balistarisland.com; apartmentpoolparty.com; naturewallpaper.tk; 123rf.com; zdnet.com

Justice for Kshama Chopra.. her life was NOT cheap

On Thursday morning, a front page article of The Times of India, Delhi edition had a heart wrenching tale to tell. The article titled ‘Is this how cheap life is in Gurgaon’ reported about a BMW hit-and-run case where a young woman, Kshama Shetye lost her life.

Please sign justice for Kshama Chopra to show solidarity.

Kshama along with her husband and parents was travelling back from a doctor’s appointment when a speeding BMW racing at 150kmph hit their Indigo car, injuring all its occupants and killing Kshama and the driver on spot. Such was the impact of the collision that the Indigo went up into the air and turned several times before crashing down completely. Three lives were lost in the accident, the driver Sanjay Gulati, Kshama and her unborn child (Kshama was pregnant)..

I read this letter from Shailesh, Kshama’s husband, to his friend and was deeply moved:

“My heart was ripped open on May 5th 2012 in agony; I was told that my wife Kshama had passed away with our unborn child… You will have to stand in front of a speeding BMW to feel what I felt when I saw her. Twelve beautiful years, from college to UK and back to India, and this is where we are. Who would have thought that the decision to come to Gurgaon for two to three days to get my father-in-law treated for his heart condition would end up like this. My wife is no more, my mother-in-law has multiple fractures and is critical, my father-in-law has a broken backbone and I have a fractured pelvis. There is disbelief, there is anger and then there is frustration – is this what Gurgaon is all about? Is this how cheap life is to people…  

It is learnt that the BMW car had the son of a rich, influential businessman of Gurgaon behind the wheels with a friend. He was perhaps trying to show off his deplorable driving skills when he raced recklessly only to ram into the unaware Indigo occupants. Three innocent lives were lost, all at the behest of this utterly irresponsible young brat.

Life is cheap? Oh yes it is, cheaper than the urge of this super rich dad’s son to thump the accelerator of his car assuming he is on some Formula race track.

Unfortunately, there have been no arrests till now and in spite of all the into-your-face evidence the police are struggling to fish out the accused, who is still at large. As a cover up, a man (obviously a paid pawn) has come out of nowhere and surrendered. The real culprit is being protected with stacks of money and influence as a shield.  

The tragic loss of such innocent lives is not acceptable. Any of us could have been in place of Kshama or Shailesh that day.  I have no words to describe how helpless and shameful it feels to be a citizen of this country, where one needs to beg for justice. But I will not lose hope. My husband and I attended the candle light vigil held at Gurgaon yesterday.

There is no way we can restore the loss and trauma that Kshama’s family has gone through but at least, show them our support.

Urging each one of you to take 20 seconds of your time and sign this online petition asking for justice for Kshama Chopra 

The rich and mighty need to be taught a lesson. Life might be cheap and buyable for them, for us it is still sacred.

Aunty Mat Kaho Naa..

The other day I was trying to have a phone conversation with a young lady (a relative’s relative!), who has recently been blessed with a baby. She happens to be older than me in age but younger by relation! (in case you are confused, you can consult my MIL, and I am sure she would leave you more confused)

Coming back to this young lady, whom I have met all of two times in life; I began the conversation with usual greetings. To show appropriate reverence I suffixed a ‘ji’ to her name, as I am habituated to do. Now ‘ji’ (equivalent of ‘san’ in Japanese, ‘sahab’ in Urdu, ‘senor’ in Spanish) sounds like ‘di’ (loving name for an elder sister in Hindi) and can easily be mistaken over the phone.

Seconds later, this young lady sprang up with “O, please don’t call me di, I am younger to you by relation… blah blah”.  

Unfortunately I had not practiced my words and their phonetic sounds before this call (regretting now, I should have). I tried to explain that I hadn’t meant the loving ‘di’ but instead the distant revering ‘ji’, but to no avail. She kept proving her point of how she was younger to me and how by law, I was elder to her, etc.

I realized I had stirred up a hornet’s nest.

Lesson - Making a woman realise her age is a formidable mistake! Don’t ever do this unless you want her as an enemy for life (this coming from a woman!)

I conceded and said, “I know you are the youngest of all (may be -30 years old!), don’t fret, I won’t call you by any name at all (on second thoughts, I don’t think I’d ever call you again!)”

After a few more seconds of setting her age right and reclaiming her youth, she allowed me to move on. I continued with my congratulatory wishes for her new born child. There was silence for some time (think she had the sad realisation of becoming a mother which implies she was a grown up) and then I could hear her thank me coyly.

To my relief the conversation came to a close in few minutes.

I was left thinking – doesn’t age signify wisdom and experience which in turn signifies a sense of responsibility and superiority, almost always. If I am 61, you are 59 – how does that make you a better person than me? In fact, I am sad for you as you still have to work another year whereas I’m already enjoying retirement!

Why is age such a big issue for people. And if you think it is only women who get frantic about this, I would like to remind you of the recent age controversy of the Indian Army Chief, V. K. Singh.. where he dragged the state to court for proving he was younger by a single year. Well, at least he had greater interest in his pursue of youth! :)

How about the rest of us getting touchy about the subject? What greater good does it hold? I fail to understand how an innocuous “aunty” from a child can sound like a slang to some women. And pat comes the famous retort “aunty mat kaho naa” ;)

P.S. This post is not intended to hurt anyone’s feelings, so please don’t get emotional. To prove you have not taken it to heart, you can disclose your age in the comments section ;p